A couple of days ago I was experimenting further with Fr Silouan’s advice [Silouan the Athonite (Russian: Силуан Афонский) also sometimes referred to as Silouan of Athos].
Saint Silvanus the Athonite or Staretz Silouan (January 17, 1866 – September 24, 1938) was an Eastern Orthodox monk of Russian origin, born Simeon Ivanovich Antonov who was a poet and monk of the St. Panteleimon Monastery.
A Mind in Hell
Of course, one’s mind in hell is monstrous and hell has always been in mine – objectified as trauma, resisted by genius – but it places consciousness on a meat-hook of ferocity & despair. Vox clamantis in deserto, analyzing Plautus’ Amphitryon in my library above Arte del Fulmine [etc] when a girl’s voice called up, You are a genius & so I went to the open window & replied, Only a big genius [to a very pretty young thing] & she said, Yes – i.e. – someone who could SEE – hence, I invited her & her father, a professional photographer, up to see some more. He was seriously interested in my book illustrations & snapped away [> he’d probably taught her to LOOK, but Luke 24:45 is vital.
Hell is resisted by genius!? Not successfully. Insanum esse me? Numquam, despite the black shit of evil slaughtering & mutilating for one f***ing rotten god or another.
Thoughts from the enemy
Understand two thoughts and fear them. One says, “You are a saint,” and the other, “You won’t be saved.” Both of these thoughts are from the enemy, and there is no truth in them. But think this way: I am a great sinner, but the Lord is merciful. He loves people very much, and He will forgive my sins.
St Anthony was asked to describe humility & he responded by saying as he’d only lived for 110 years he’d not yet witnessed any, neither in others & certainly not in himself – hence, the pretense of humility I’ll leave to Uriah Heep, As a Theologian – i.e. – someone with the power to take others into the direct Presence of the Lord God Almighty, I boldly assert 3 things with great certainty [1]: I am Christ’s genius > intellectually & artistically [2]: I am a sinner on whom the Lord God frequently bestows His loving mercy [3]: Unless a man – whether he be Pope, Imperator, Patriarch, monk, laymen et al – receives the INCREATE LIGHT of Heaven, he is NOT a Christian – hence, heresy & false Christianity abounds – e.g. – there were 28 different kinds of Methodism by 1912, so it is well that Christ’s gods [John X:34-35] – of whom I am one – can lift up the worthy or not. Keep your mind in hell & fear not!